what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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