"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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