She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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