That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
