somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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