Can i not drive my cunt home
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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