we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
