JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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