Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
