She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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