Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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