And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
