Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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