He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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