If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
