the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
