Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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