a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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