I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
