your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
