So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
