So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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