it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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