New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
