I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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