Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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