The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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