Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i think i just lost a toe
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
