I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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