He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
