is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
