so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
