quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i think i just lost a toe
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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