it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
