he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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