i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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