It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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