i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
