idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
