Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
