I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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