if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
