I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
