i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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