Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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