Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
