So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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