I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
why is half of my head shaved?
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