Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
