problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
