You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
