lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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