My balls are so social today.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
