I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
