We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
