the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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