There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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