Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
